“It’s Just”: The Hidden Cost of Two Simple Words
I’ve always been fascinated by language.
Some words immediately grab our attention. Others quietly slip into our everyday conversations without us giving them a second thought.
But every once in a while, I hear a phrase that makes me stop and ask, What are we really saying?
Lately, that phrase has been:
“It’s just...”
Not because the words themselves are offensive.
Because of what they often accomplish.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the audience at our local community band concert.
Every summer, 70 to 80 volunteers, ranging from high school students to retirees, spend six weeks rehearsing one evening each week before putting on a free concert for the community. Behind the scenes, dozens of others volunteer their time coordinating facilities, lighting, recording, programs, and everything else it takes to make the evening a success.
Every year, I’m amazed by what they accomplish. A group of mostly strangers, none of them professional musicians, comes together in just six weeks to perform music that is both challenging and beautiful.
Then I heard it.
“It’s just community band.”
The phrase was used to justify arriving late and walking into the auditorium in the middle of a performance. It excused conversations during the music. It even explained why a family chose to remain in their seats while a baby cried through nearly the entire concert.
None of those moments, by themselves, are really what this article is about.
The phrase is.
Because “it’s just...” is often less about the event itself and more about making the situation feel smaller for ourselves. We may be trying to justify our actions, end an uncomfortable conversation, or avoid dealing with someone else’s emotions.
The unintended consequence is that we often make other people feel smaller too.
The concert was simply the latest reminder of how often this phrase shows up.
How often have you heard things like:
“It’s just community band.”
“It’s just another meeting.”
“It’s just a mistake.”
Different situations. The same little phrase.
These statements usually aren't meant to be disrespectful. More often, they’re shortcuts. They become a convenient way to reduce our own discomfort or sidestep our responsibility. In the process, they often reduce the significance of the work, the conversation, or the people behind it.
Before you say “it’s just...”, ask yourself:
Am I minimizing someone else’s effort?
Am I dismissing someone’s feelings?
Am I overlooking work I don’t fully understand?
Am I saying this to reduce my own discomfort, responsibility, or accountability?
What to Say Instead
One thing I’ve learned is that people rarely need us to make their situation seem smaller.
More often, they need us to acknowledge it.
That doesn’t mean we have to agree with every reaction or amplify every problem. It simply means recognizing that something matters to them.
For example, instead of saying:
“It’s just a mistake. No one died.”
Try:
“I know this one stings, especially after how much work you put into it. It may feel awful right now, but we’ll work through it together. How can I help?”
Acknowledging isn’t the same as agreeing. It’s simply recognizing that something matters to someone else.
That small shift changes the conversation.
Instead of trying to reduce the situation, you support the person.
Instead of trying to end the conversation, you create one.
Instead of reducing your own discomfort, you help carry someone else’s.
The words we choose shape how people feel about their work, their contributions, and themselves. They say a lot about us, too.
Respect doesn’t always show up in grand gestures. More often, it’s revealed in the little moments and sometimes in the little phrases.
The next time you’re about to say “it’s just...”, pause for a second.
Ask yourself what you’re really trying to accomplish.
Are you creating perspective?
Or are you simply making the situation smaller for yourself?
Because when we do that, we often make someone else feel smaller too.